Loss
Kemba's story

How do you get through times of loss? Kemba’s dad, other caring adults, spirituality, and sports helped her get through her mother’s death.

I enjoy going on Mission's trips with my church. I've been on two to Brazil. I'm probably going back there next summer. I'm very active in the church. My father is one of the pastors. And that's where a lot of my friends are.

Sports mean a lot of things to me. It's kind of a way of escaping the pressures of the real world, because it's kind of like a fantasy world. If I'm having a problem with a friend or a problem at home, and I have a basketball game in two hours, then I quickly forget about my problems. I just focus on the game, and winning. I have fun with my team.

Being an adolescent is a very hard thing to be nowadays. There are a lot of pressures in the media to look a certain way or act a certain way. If a teenager or a pre-teen doesn't act in that way, then they put themselves down, and they could be very upset at themselves.

I'd say the hardest thing that I went through when I was growing up, was probably my mother dying. My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. She had to go through chemotherapy. The cancer had moved to her lungs. She couldn't breathe. She only used a certain percentage of her lungs. It was really hard on her and the whole family. One day she died. We called her funeral a home-going rather than a funeral, because she went on to heaven.

I didn't cry until a couple of months after. I was at school. I had to go to the social worker and talk about my problems. Then I would cry sometimes. There was about a month of that. After that, I talked about my problems and I got them out.

My relationship with my dad is a really close one. Since my mother's not here, I have to confide in him. I talk to him a lot. I don't withhold anything from him. I can cry. I can laugh with him. I think that's a really important relationship.

I think that my father will help me, in my relationship with other men, because he could give me advice or he could be there. If I have questions about someone I'm seeing or something like that, I can always turn to him.

I think my dad builds my confidence a lot. He confides in me sometimes. He thinks I'm really responsible and smart. So when he tells me these things, and when he congratulates me, and rewards me for something I did, I get excited about myself, and I feel really happy about myself.

My spirituality plays a very big role in my life. My dad gives me a strong basis for relying on God, and everything will be OK. That's what I believe.

Two women stepped up at a lot at my church during my times of need. When my mother was sick they would take me out and drive for two hours somewhere and just have long talks about what was going on with my mother. That really helped me a lot. It let me know that people were supporting me. They also gave me a sense of comfort, which I think was really important at that time.

I think that these women have given me a basis to help others I see in need. Like if I see a little girl or a little boy whose parent may be sick or have just died, then I know how to talk to them. I know what to say, and I know what not to say, too.